lowlights
Well life has been a roller coaster lately with the last week or so in a pretty low dip if we're being perfectly honest. Most people didn't know it, but I was in pretty rough shape. I'm starting to come out the other side, though. And at least now we have some answers. I've been working with 2 doctors to get to the bottom of things and we think we have it figured out. I'm lucky to have doctors that are actually willing to talk to each other and work together. I realize that's hard to find. Anyway, I don't mean to be all mysterious about my new found diagnosis, but I still have a lot to learn and don't want to go spewing information as fact when I'm still on the learning curve.
Anyway, the point is I've been cycling mood wise and it kept landing me in a pretty dark place. This last week I lived in one of those places, but I'm starting to feel a bit better and gain some insight into my body and mind, which will help me out in the long run. I'm hoping it will help others out, too. People shouldn't feel like they are alone and that there aren't any answers or hope or end in sight.
In times like these, I try to hang on to people or quotes or images that give me hope.
People? That's easy. My family and friends.
Quotes? See below
“There is always a moment right before dawn, when the sun gathers itself for the new day and then it steps into the dark world and everything is so filled with light that whatever doubt there was in that long night is barely a memory and I hope you remember this in these days, because it is the way of all things that the night ends and the light returns. The light always returns.”
Images? This is the image I have as the lock screen on my phone:
In those dark places, I don't feel like doing anything except sleeping. It feels like my only escape. So yesterday I forced myself to get my butt in gear and create something. So I picked up a magazine and started to collage. It's funny how that works. Some magazines are just naturally more positive and sometimes it pisses me off. I just want to tear out gloom and doom and all I see is "Beautiful!", "Wear Confidence", "Transform", "Never Hide". UGGGGHHHHH. Well this magazine had a little bit of both. Which is good, you know. It's like the magazine knew exactly what I needed.
I needed the therapeutic process of creating art. I needed some encouraging words and images. And I needed something that truly reflected how my spirit felt. So I decided to do 2 collages. The first one is more representative of where I was in the moment. I had to go into my collage box to supplement with additional images and words, because the magazine just wasn't cutting it. But hey, that's what the box is for, right? Here's the final product:
The second collage is basically all the positive stuff that jumped out at me while I was searching for nothing but negative:
In the middle of the lowlights of the week, there were some highlights. One highlight was getting to "go camping" with Skylar. The day didn't quite go as initially planned, but we learned to be flexible and go with the flow, so I went tent shopping on Saturday. Did you know there's a tent shortage? Like seriously. It's a thing. But I got my hands on a 4 man tent and we spent a night under the stars in our backyard:
photo cred: Bill Bowen, Jr.
The next day Skylar and I each had a friend over :) We spent the afternoon outside and talked the day away. I don't have any pictures of that one, so you'll just have to trust me that it was a really nice time.
So what did we learn today? Well I think we learned that even in the middle of the night when you're camping outside and it is pitch black, there are still a few stars out there sparkling. And then eventually the sun rises. Sometimes the new day brings some rain and you just want to shake your fist at the sky. But the rain stops...eventually. And the sun breaks through the clouds from time to time. It's not always night and it's not always raining. There are pockets of light and the stars still shine, even if they're hiding behind the clouds that night.