On The Edge

It seems we're always waiting.  Always standing on the edge of something great.  We live in quiet expectation for the future.  What future?  Define greatness.  For whom are we waiting?

I don't know whether to call it summer or winter, but I'm definitely in a season.  A life season.  I'm not being tested, but I am surely being taught.  Pruned.

I currently exist in a contemplative and reflective state.  For the first time in awhile, I've given myself space to sit and soak.  To lay outside and bask in the sunshine.  To read.  To doodle.  To write.  To be.

I'm making room.  Room for what?  Even I don't know that.  For change, for growth, for revelation, for a passion to be ignited within.

The hardest part isn't making room, it's keeping myself from trying to fill it.  My mind sees a chunk of time and automatically plots to utilize it in the most efficient way possible.  But I've learned a secret and I'm going to fill you in.

To best utilize my time--to be efficient and productive and happy all at the same time (yes, this truly is a possible reality)--this season is essential.  It's convenient that "my season" falls within an "actual season": summer.

Summer is not typically my favorite.  It's uncomfortable.  My body does not adjust well to extreme temperatures and the thought of bathing suit shopping still has the potential to put me in a bad mood.  You have to shave consistently and make sure your feet are sandal appropriate.  There's sweat involved.  Summer is a high-maintenance season.

So I guess that makes it fitting.  The season I would choose for self-care, reflection, and revitalization would be the season that contains the most work.  But it also contains the most sunshine.

Going to bed at a reasonable hour is hard.  Waking up early when there's no deadline is harder (even for a morning person).

For months I've been saying I would take this summer to center myself.  Find my equilibrium.  Bring my life into focus.  Establish some perspective.

So why is it that I come here, I rest, I read, I write, I draw, I create...and my world shifts more towards chaos than harmony?  My life is thrust into a state of disarray as pieces of my existence are stripped away.

My sister gave me a rose bush for Mother's Day.  For a little while, I thought I killed it.  It looked pretty dismal.  But rose bushes get like that when they need to be pruned.  You need to cut away the dead buds and the wilted leaves so that it can grow some more and produce beautiful flowers again.  It must be pruned if it hopes to flourish for any period of time.

Please don't get me wrong, here.  My life is awesome.  I am blessed.  But that doesn't mean that things are as they could be.  Jesus has more in store.  His will is bigger and better than anything I've accepted as sufficient or "just good enough."  So he's bringing me back to the basics.  He is pruning me so that I can flourish.  He's removing all the extra from my life; even the extra I've viewed as lifeblood.  He's doing exactly what I asked him to do; he's using this summer to restore me.