“This Is Me”
I know I'm a little bit late to the game, but I don't go to the movie theater very often, so I had to wait to see this one until it came out on DVD. We watched The Greatest Showman the other night and I must say that it lived up to the hype. I was thoroughly impressed. There's no need for a spoiler alert because I'm not going to spill the plot. But I am going to share the lyrics from one of my favorite songs:
“I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
’Cause we don’t want your broken parts
I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one’ll love you as you are
But I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know that there’s a place for us
For we are glorious
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ‘cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away ‘cause today, I won’t let the shame sink in
We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that’s what we’ve become
And I know that I deserve your love
’Cause there’s nothing I’m not worthy of
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
This is brave, this is proof
This is who I’m meant to be, this is me”
It's like a fight song to me. I love it.
"I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I want to be, I am me."
It's true. I am bruised. I have been beaten up by life. By people. By circumstance. But these things have made me who I am. And I like me. I am who I want to be.
I am brave. I don't let my bruises define me. I get up and fight anyway. Every day. I fight my diagnoses. I fight the haters. I fight the negative voices in my head. I am brave. This is me.
"I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me."
For a long time, all I wanted to do was disappear. Anything to vanish from the face of the planet. I was filled with shame. Unworthiness. Self-hatred. But no more. I'm not scared to be seen. I don't apologize for my existence. I am proud of who I am. This is me.
"Another round of bullets hits my skin, well fire away, 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in."
There are haters out there. Lots of them. People who don't believe in a changed life. People who will hold your past against you. People who look for flaws and point them out to the world. You know, the haters.
Their comments and looks used to filled me with shame. They used to prevent my from doing the things I loved. They used to make me embarrassed for my very existence. But no more. They can fire away. My voice will not be muffled. I won't let the shame sink in. This is me.
"And I know that I deserve your love, 'cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of."
This is where the lyrics really become my fight song. For a long time I didn't believe these words. I still have trouble accepting them as truth. They're difficult things to believe. But it's true. I deserve to be loved. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of respect. I am worthy of success. I am worthy of a life worth living. This is me.
"I know that there's a place for us, we are glorious...we are warriors."
I've met a lot of people along my journey toward mental health. And they are warriors. We are all warriors. Do you want to know why? Because we get up and fight. Every day we fight. We fight the haters. We fight the stigma. We fight the voices in our heads. We fight. And our fight makes us glorious.
In the movie, Mr. Barnum fills his circus with oddities. And I am one. I am an oddity. But I don't think that's a bad thing. Oddities are different. They bring joy. They fight for their right to live a meaningful existence. They make the world a more interesting place. They are special.
The world needs oddities. And I'm happy to fill that need.
Because this is me: I am brave. I am bruised. I'm not scared. I'm unashamed. I am loved. I am worthy. I am glorious. I am a warrior. This is me.
