everyday life and other stuff.

I've started this post without a title. That means I don't really know where I'm going with this. Which can be good or bad. We shall see.

I promised to write a follow-up to 4th of July weekend, but things were just crazy and I was too busy enjoying my time with my family. Then who knows what happened last weekend. But I find myself here today, so wahoo for you.

I was sick this week. Don't worry, I don't have COVID. It was just a stomach bug. Ok, now here I am about to drop a bomb on ya'll. I've really been keeping this to myself for the most part. Why? Mostly to keep people from worrying about me. One person in particular. But if I can't be honest here, where can I be?

I've been in treatment for my eating disorder for 2 months now. I'm doing Virtual IOP through ERC. It's from 5-8pm in my room Monday - Thursday. And to tell you the truth, I've been impressed. It's been a way better program than I'm used to. For anyone who has tried CED's IOP program and hated it, I would strongly encourage you to consider ERC if you're in need of treatment. Yeah, the providers are the same, but the programming, meal plan, and style of treatment is totally different. At least in my opinion.

The only thing this program lacks is Art Therapy, so I just do that on my own :)

And the fact that I've been able to do it virtually? Game changer. That's what has allowed me to keep it such a secret. No one had to know. I didn't have to leave work early or put a bunch of miles on my car or never be available to my family or friends. I get to work as long as I need to (for the most part) and see my family and be done at 8 without having to make an hour long drive home. So that's the bright side. Which I'm trying to look at.

See my discharge date had already been pushed back once. I was still struggling to follow the meal plan and not finishing IOP dinners and stuff. But I had gotten myself together and was supposed to discharge this past Thursday. And then bam. I got a stomach bug.

Stomach bugs suck for everyone. I get that. But for someone who struggles with an eating disorder? We're talking major setback. Historically for me, at least. My mind convinces my body that it's used to surviving on next to nothing food wise. Which makes it very difficult to go back to following a meal plan once the illness has run its course. Traditionally, it's something that sends me INTO treatment. But I'm already IN treatment this time. So what does it look like?

I have been quite surprised. My treatment team actually believed me. They didn't accuse me of purposely acting on symptoms. They told me to take a few nights off of IOP. They didn't argue with my PCP's recommendation of a 24 hour clear liquid diet. They treated me like a person who was sick and needed to rest. And boy did I appreciate that.

So I didn't discharge on Thursday. Obviously. My psychiatrist told me they'd at least add on those 3 days I missed. The rest depends on how quickly I bounce back. Luckily I have just enough of a cheering squad encouraging me to get back on the wagon. Quickly. And I think I'm doing alright. Better than alright, even. I think I'm doing well. I think my treatment team is going to be surprised and proud of me. And that's a nice feeling.

Anyway, there you have it. I'm hoping to discharge this week and have some of my summer left to enjoy. Even though Virtual IOP is great, it still doesn't leave me with a whole lot of free time to enjoy the pool or read a magazine or blog or go for walks with the dog. So I'm ready to get my days back for sure.

But that's not all. I mean, come on. It's never just one thing, right? In the middle of all of this (treatment, stomach bug, etc.), I still have SCHOOL. Uggggh. School. I was ready to call it quits. Seriously. I was taking Intermediate Accounting I and I was completely and totally in over my head. Crying every day. Stressed to the max. I just could not retain and apply any of what I was "learning."

So I was ready to switch to a general Business Administration degree because I thought I just couldn't cut the whole accounting thing. Even though that's what I do on a daily basis. But my mentor told me to take a week off while she did some research. The program I'm in now has Intermediate Accounting broken into 2 classes, each with 1 exam. Apparently WGU is launching a NEW Accounting program that has Intermediate Accounting broken into 3 classes, each with 2 exams. There are some other differences. It will actually be more classes to get my degree than the program I am in now. Which pushes my graduation date back a bit. But it sounds like a dream come true.

My semester ends at midnight July 31st and I still have 1 more class to take to be considered a full time student (WGU is a full time only university). With 3 weeks left in my semester at the time of this decision. How on earth was I supposed to finish a 3 credit class in 3 weeks? So I withdrew from that ass-kicker-of-an Intermediate Accounting course and replaced it with a Spreadsheets course. My mentor first suggested something like business organization and analytics and I was like "...um...no. Didn't I see some Excel class or something?"

I was an instructional technician for Microsoft Office at Carroll Community College back in the day, and I use Excel constantly, so I have a pretty good grasp on the whole spreadsheet thing. I figured I could pull off the Spreadsheet class pretty well with 3 weeks to go. (Turns out it's overkill. The Spreadsheets class in my new program is much more basic and is only 1 credit. But this one will transfer and I could wrap my mind around it, so I'm ok with that.)

We're a little more than a week in and I have completed 8 of the 10 lessons in the course. Mostly by myself. Dad has helped me out from time to time. There have been a few tears. I't's actually a lot of new material that I have never worked with before. I've found I work better first thing in the morning. Waiting until 4pm to start on a lesson is usually a bad idea, so I try to get a lot done during the weekend since work and IOP take up most of my days during the week. I plan on finishing lessons 9 and 10 this week, taking the practice assessment Friday afternoon or Saturday morning, studying Saturday and Sunday and taking my exam on Monday the 27th. That gives me a few days cushion in case I fail and have to re-take the exam.

Whew. It's a lot. But if I'm able to pull this off, I will have been working full time, in treatment, and a full time student during a single semester. Something impossible. Boy will that feel good.

We aren't big "celebraters" in my family. We don't through big parties or social events. But - should I ever finish my undergraduate degree - I will be throwing myself one hell of a bonanza. And everyone who has ever supported me will be invited. And we will celebrate all day and into the night. There will be music and dancing and food and crying and laughing and just a really freaking good time. Because boy will it have been a journey.

I know I haven't imparted any great wisdom or anything today. It's basically just an update on my life. But I feel like I have to do that every now and then since I'm not on "the Facebook."

I guess if there's anything I hope you've taken from this it's that treatment is not shameful. Illness doesn't have to mean relapse. And there's really no such thing as impossible. So there. I guess this whole thing did have a point.