It’s weird to think…
Well folks, we're 3 days out. That's right. As long as my pre-op Covid test comes back negative, I go in for hip surgery on Wednesday. It will be at a surgical center in Reston, VA. I'm temporarily slated to be in the procedure room at noon, but things change constantly, so they wait until the day before to tell you for sure when to be there.
I spoke with my nurse on Thursday and she went over all the details. That's when it started to get real. And the nerves start to kick in. And I can't concentrate. And I'm easily distracted. And I can't sleep. My leg does that shaky thing and I rock back and forth like 24/7. UGGG.
Why am I nervous, you might ask? As you will recall from my previous post, I've had this procedure on my other hip. More than once, in fact. So I know what I'm getting myself into, right? Wrong.
I don't remember. I mean I remember bits. I remember the waiting. Trying to make small talk with my mom. This time there will be no one to make small talk with. Mom isn't allowed in the building, even. I remember binge watching Parks and Rec. I remember ice packs. I remember being terrified of getting in and out of the shower. I tore the towel rack off the wall last time by accident. So I'm terrified again.
Things that concern me? The stairs. I don't know why, but I'm terrified of getting to my bedroom. Driving. They told me I could drive as soon as I'm off the drugs and can move my foot from pedal to pedal. Still, terrifying. Eating. Eating is crucial, but I won't be able to fix things for myself for a while, so I'll be relying on other people to help me meet my meal plan. And I don't want to screw that up. Work. I gave my best guess at a timeline for getting back to work, but you never know what's going to happen. School. Again, I'm on a timeline, but have no control over my degree of post-op concentration and retention. PT. When am I going to it that in and how difficult will it be?
So many unknowns. I should be studying right now, but I thought that maybe if I wrote it all down I could get some of it out of my system and be able to function like a regular human. Tomorrow won't be too bad because it's my day to go into the office. My coworkers will keep me distracted enough. I'll just have to make up some big important task for me to do on Tuesday to trick my brain into staying busy. And before I know it, Wednesday will be here. And everything will change.
It's weird to think that today, I walked to my closet and picked my outfit. In 4 days I'll have to ask someone to go grab me some clothes from upstairs. It's weird to think that today, I fixed myself some cereal for breakfast. For the next 3 weeks I'll have to place an order and hope they get it right. It's weird to think that today, I fed and watered the cats as soon as I got downstairs. It's weird to think that I won't be the one doing that for a bit. That I will have to wait for someone else to wake up before navigating the steps downstairs to start work. That I'll use my backpack constantly for everything imaginable. That someone else might have to tie my shoe if I have to go pee. It's just weird to think that--even with a 4th metatarsal stress fracture--I'm able to do all these things so easily today that will be a struggle in just 3 days. So I'm trying to make the most of things without overdoing it.
Story of my life, right?
So a few requests from my small but loyal reading population:
Prayers. Prayers for my anxiety leading up to Wednesday. Prayers for a successful procedure. Prayers for an ordinary, uneventful, boring recovery.
Suggestions. Netflix, Amazon Prime, Apple +, Disney +, Discovery +, whatever is streaming, we've got it. I need a show or 2 to keep me occupied.
Texts. I'll be bored out of my mind after a day or so on the couch, so texts or phone calls will be much appreciated.
Funny pictures and/or memes. Remember, I'm not on Facebook anymore, so send me something worth laughing over.
Well that's it. That's all I've got. Except for this song that I really like these days:
THIS IS HOW I FIGHT MY BATTLES.
IT MAY LOOK LIKE I'M SURROUNDED, BUT I'M SURROUNDED BY YOU.