they really do exist.
Well today is officially my last day of Virtual IOP. I haven’t written in 3 and a half months and that’s about how long I’ve been in treatment for my eating disorder. I didn’t really tell many people and I was way too busy and exhausted to write. So...surprise!!
I knew I had a problem. Things had gotten out of control. I won’t go into detail because I don’t want to trigger anyone. But things were not good. So I had decided to do Virtual IOP. Scheduled my intake. Went through all the questions. And they were like, “No. The waiting list for VIOP is 2-3 weeks. You can’t wait that long. You need Virtual PHP.” And of course I burst into tears.
Virtual PHP was 8am-2pm 7 days a week. There was no way I could pull that off. But I did. For 7 weeks. I did VPHP from 8-2, had therapy twice a week, saw a dietician once a week, saw a psychiatrist once a week, got labs drawn once a week, and attended a treatment team meeting once a week. I also worked 2-6 Monday-Friday and a bunch on the weekends to stay on top of my work life. It was brutal. But I did it.
Then I switched to Virtual IOP. That was 11-2 Monday-Thursday. I worked 7-11 and 2-5:30 Monday-Thursday and 7-3 on Fridays. And I did that for 8 weeks. Wow. What a ride.
I had my appointment with my psychiatrist this morning and I got really choked up. I mean this has been a serious journey. Besides Mercy, I think I’ve gotten the most out of this program than I have in previous treatment endeavors. It was intense.
So I have a lot of feels today. But do you know what the biggest feel is? Pride. I am so stinking proud of myself. I did treatment for nearly 4 months while not falling behind at work and studying as a full-time college student. In the middle of a freaking pandemic. How the hell did I pull that off? I have no idea. Nothing but the grace of God.
I’m discharging today, which doesn’t mean I’m cured. I still have a ways to go. I’m set up with a dietician, therapist, and psychiatrist to help me stay on track. I’m also thinking about joining a virtual support group. I’ve never done that before, but I think it could be helpful. I just really want to set myself up for success.
My time in treatment overlapped with the holiday season, which made things a little bit rough. But there’s a Christmas tune that we sang, and I’d like to write out a verse or 2 of it here:
“All ye beneath life’s crushing load
Whose forms are bending low
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow
Look now for glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing
O rest beside the weary road
And hear the angels sing.”
I was in a rough place. Hardly eating. 2 trips to the ER for IV fluids. Messed up labs. I was bending low. I was toiling. My steps were painful and slow. But through treatment, Jesus, and the angels singing, I was able to rise from the crushing load and see hope and life again.
I’m a few weeks late in proclaiming it, but it’s a Christmas miracle.
They really do exist.
Merry Christmas from me and my kitty :)