Week one and other stuff.

Well I've almost made it through one week without social media. I had my doubts, but it's possible, folks. I'll admit it's pretty weird. I'll pick up my phone, check my email, then go to click on Instagram or Facebook and I'm just like, "Welp, I guess I'll just go back to doing what I was doing." Which is basically what I wanted. I also deleted all the games from my phone, so I've got nothin to do on that thing.

I've also found how often I take a picture then look at it wondering if it's post worthy on my stories. "No, Brittany. Don't waste time with that. Stories don't exist anymore."

Things I miss? Hmm. Honestly, there aren't many. I have a feeling I'm missing some birthdays. Should have written some of them down for my closer friends. So if I don't wish you happy birthday, please don't be offended. I also went looking for picture albums on my phone, only to realize that they were Facebook albums. But they're all on the photos app on my computer and that's all I really need. And then one time I had my mom reach out to one of our mutual friends because I wanted to see if she had any Carly dresses and I didn't have her info. That was the only time I was really like, "ugh, if only I had Facebook." But that's what moms are for, right? And side note, I should get her number to stay in touch, anyway.

So I'm interested in seeing my screen time report on my phone this week. I was worried that I'd find something else to waste away my life with on my phone. I spent some time on Etsy looking for a camera strap. But once I found what I was looking for, I shut that one down. And then I discovered Poshmark. Um. Yes. I'll wait to fully back Poshmark until I actually receive my clothes. But I am in desperate need of new wardrobe items. Shorts and dresses in particular. So I found some that I like on Athleta (their clothes fit me really well usually), but they are ridiculously expensive, so I was like, "Hmmm, maybe I'll check out this Poshmark thing." So I dove into that hole a bit. I can see how a person could get sucked into it, though. For sure. But I bought a few items at more reasonable prices and it will be like Christmas next week when all my packages get here :)

So let's get real with this whole clothing thing, guys. The struggle is real. I have gained a good amount of weight over the last year and NOTHING FITS. It's really taking a toll on me. Especially this week. Lots of tears. It doesn't matter what I do or do not eat. This is just it. It's something that is SO SO uncomfortable. But I think I SO SO have to just suck up and accept it. At least for now. A lot of it could be my meds and I'm not about to be noncompliant with those so it just is what it is. Some days I handle it better than others. The days of going into the office instead of working from home are quickly approaching. That means no oversized gym shorts and t-shirts. I need something that fits. This is my size. Get what makes me feel pretty and comfortable. Go ahead and spend the money. Invest in something that brings mw joy in the middle of despair. Cuz that's honestly what it feels like some days. Complete and utter despair. But there's enough going on in the world that I don't need to be worried about the number on the scale or the size of my clothes. I'm just going to accept myself and move forward and see what comes my way. Today at least. We'll take tomorrow as it comes.

Next I just have to say how much I love love love my psychiatrist. We've added a few new diagnoses to my list, but I'm ok with that. I've had several sleepwalking episodes over the last month. Some of which were thoroughly embarrassing. Some of which were funny. Some of which were just weird. So add sleepwalking to the list. Turns out there's an actual diagnosis of "sleepwalking and eating." Which is. Like. Definition Brittany. So she took me off 2 sleep meds that weren't really working and put me on one that will hopefully help with the sleepwalking. Take 2 off, and 1 in. I'm happy with that.

Next. Folks. I have been having some major racing thoughts which have made school practically impossible for me. Which really screws with my confidence and self esteem and hope for the future. I just can't seem to focus. Everything is just in skim mode and I absorb zilch and can apply nada. So. Turns out she thinks I am in need of...a stimulant. That's right. My mom tried bringing this up like 3 or 4 years ago and we just got shut down. That was with a different psychiatrist. Yesterday my current psychiatrist started listing off symptoms and how it can go unnoticed for awhile in some people because they are able to compensate with their intelligence but at some point that plateaus and then it's not good. Everything she listed off was like..."um. yes. exactly me. yes." So I'm pretty seriously stoked that she was willing to consider that as an option for me and I'm really hopeful that this will help me in a variety of areas of my life.

Wow wow wow wow. That was a lot longer and deeper that I had intended on going. I guess I just had a lot to say and that wasn't even everything. There's even more to share, but I think I'll stop here.

Oh, one more thing. I spent A LOT of time working on my website last weekend. I think I have everything cleaned up. It turns out I don't think my newsletter had been going out for nearly a year. So you should get an email every time I publish a new post. If you're a subscriber and are reading this and you did NOT receive my newsletter, please please let me know. Also, if something looks weird with the newsletter, please let me know. I will not be offended. I need your help. It's kind of a trial and error thing. And I lose a lot of readers if my newsletter doesn't go out or gets sent to people's spam folders. And since you can't know about my new posts via Facebook, you need to subscribe and get my newsletter :)

pockets.

So Long

The OG Brittany B