I Wish For You…
Well it's that time of year. 2018 is drawing to a close and 2019 is less than 2 days away. Wahoo.
I'm going to talk about several things here, but I'm going to start with a pet peeve of mine. Something I really can't stand. Before and after pictures. I hate them. And you see a ton of them this time of year. People advertising their It Works endeavor or fitness coaching business. All with before and after pictures. It drives me crazy. And in the before picture their client is on vacation with her family in a bathing suit. Or holding her 6 month old baby. And in the after picture the client is taking a selfie at the gym in short shorts and a sports bra. Like seriously? You'd rather be working out in the gym than on the beach with your family? Really, now?
And maybe it drives me crazy because it's been me. I've done that before. I've set those goals. There's nothing like a news years resolution of loosing weight. Eating "healthy." Spending more time working out. We buy a nutribullet and sign up to eat nothing but shakes. We purchase gym memberships. We buy a bikini hoping it will motivate us to keep with our resolution to be fit by summer.
But why? Why do eating "better" and exercising more top the list when it comes to new years resolutions?
I mean what even is a new years resolution? What's the point? I can do with or without them, but I think the reason why they're so popular is the opportunity for a fresh start. People like the idea of a do-over. 2018 sucked, but I'm going to rock 2019. And here's how I'm going to do it.
I'm going to loose weight.
What? How is loosing weight going to make 2019 rock?
How? Here's how. We think it will make us happy. We've been conditioned to believe that loosing weight will make us happier. All the skinny people are happy. Successful. They have fun. Boyfriends. They're just better off. But it's all a lie. I can tell you from personal experience and from that of the girls I've been in treatment with. Skinny does not equal happy. If frequently equals misery. Self-hatred. Even death. So why make that a goal? Why dedicate an entire year towards something that will only bring temporary joy. If that. On a day when you can pick anything in the world to work on, why pick something that can destroy you?
And did 2018 really suck, anyway? Was it really all that bad? Why are we putting so much pressure on the new year? On ourselves? It seems like a recipe for a disaster to me. A huge opportunity for failure. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.
Sure, there were parts of 2018 that weren't so great. I had to take a semester off of school, I had to go into treatment, I had to have surgery, I struggled with my bipolar disorder. But did it suck? That's a pretty strong word. I'd have to say no. No, 2018 did not suck. I FINALLY went back to school, I bought my dream car, I took steps forward in recovery, I took on new responsibilities at work, I got some of my writing published. See, there was some good stuff in there, too. And I won't diminish that good stuff by saying 2019 has to be better than 2018. Why can't they both just be? They're just years. Right?
So I'm going to say that 2018 was decent and here's what's going to make 2019 rock for me:
I'm going to keep moving forward taking classes toward finishing my degree.
I'm going to be more intentional with my time. No more wasting the 6 hours I have between getting home and going to bed. I'm going to be intentional.
I'm going to spend more quality time with my daughter.
I'm going to finish knitting the blanket I've been working on for a year now.
I'm going to read a book for fun.
I'm going to journal more.
And yes, I'm going work towards becoming a healthier version of myself. But that doesn't mean hiring a fitness coach or drinking shakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It means...
Moving my body. Taking my dog for a walk. Doing some gentle yoga.
Following the meal plan. Having well balanced meals. Eating salad and apples and cookies and chips.
Not punishing myself.
Not basing my worth on the number on the scale or the size of my pants.
Accepting myself as I am without trying to change and manipulate my body to fit some idealistic image I have created in my totally distorted mind.
Actually doing what my therapist tells me to do.
Staying OUT of treatment. The whole year.
Unfollowing all those toxic social media accounts.
I don't really see these things as resolutions. Together they compose a general image of the kind of life I'd like to live. And some days I'll succeed at some and other days I'll succeed at others and other days I'll fail at them all. But that doesn't mean 2019 will suck. Nothing is perfect. Certainly not an entire year.
Maybe 2018 did suck for you. Maybe you lost a loved one or got fired from a job or got diagnosed with a life changing illness. Those are all legit reasons for a year to suck. And for you, I hope that 2019 is better. I'm not saying it can't be better. It can. Life can always be better. There's always more to strive for. There's always hope for the future. This isn't as good as it gets.
So go ahead. Make a resolution. Set a goal. Strive for better. But don't forget that it's just another year. Another number. And nothing is perfect. And please don't make your goal be to shed a few pounds. Because that's just wasting a resolution. And you deserve better than that.
I wish for you laughter. Joy. Purpose. Knowing that there will also be tears and sadness. But that's what makes the sweet parts sweeter. I wish for you the ability to appreciate the journey and not just the destination. Because the journey is all we've got. And while we should always yearn for more, there is something to be said for the satisfaction in what we have. That's what a year should be about.
So let the hand strike midnight. Let the ball drop. And let me find a way to scribble over my 8s and make them 9s as I adjust to dawn of a new year. Let me appreciate 2018. And let me bathe in the wonder of an entire year and what it might have in store. Because every year is a gift. Nothing is guaranteed. So let's make the best of what we have and just go from there. Ok?
Oh, and PS. You don't have to wait for a new year to hit the restart button. Every day is an opportunity for change. Every hour. It's all about the choices we make. And we always have the ability to make a different choice. The ball is in your court.
Now go and be awesome, ok?